Psychotherapy: What grief feels like!

The Dawning of a New Day!

I awake to find another new day upon me, the soft sunshine creeps through the blind that is drawn and I wonder, what will it be like today?

Will I be missing you as much as yesterday?

Will I be able to breathe a little easier?

Will my heart ache less?

Will I find my voice, and speak your name?

Will I be able to listen to the birds chirping outside without thinking of you each time I hear them?

For you loved to sit and listen, to watch them come to the feeder and flit about happily.

Watching you enjoy the birds singing their songs brought inspiration and reminded me to experience joy in the simple things in life.

As I see the sunshine peek through the window I wonder why it shines so bright, doesn’t it know that my heart aches to see you still? And then it dawns on me. Perhaps it is you who has come to visit.

I feel the warmth of the sun upon my face, urging me to get up once more.

The gentle breeze that brushes by me has a wisp of scent that reminds me of you and I feel the strength rise up in me to face another day with a soft smile.

I feel the courage to find joy in the simplistic things in life.

As I put my feet on the soft carpet beneath my feet, I am reminded to walk gently, to breathe in and out as if that is my only task for the day. One foot then the other, one step at a time.

When people ask, how are you today? I pause, reflect and respond in only that moment of time for it changes from one minute to the next.

When I see signs around me that give me a glimmer of hope you are near me, I wonder with awe and amazement if this can be so. Then I remember, and sigh gently, for you did say you’d always be with me, that I would be able to feel your presence around me, see signs that you are with me still.

I feel your presence in the gentle rain, the rain feels like the tears I have shed. The soft gentle wind comforts me, the person who walks past me, looks like you for a second, glances and smiles at just the right moment and it reminds me of you, or when I catch myself laughing and it reminds me of your laugh, for a single moment I am reminded you are here. 

As I awake to this new day I am grateful for the memories we have, the joys, heartache, good times and journey we shared, for they made me who I am today. You helped to shape me and my world. I move forward in hope, peace, love and grace, knowing that you are always with me.

Author: Karen Jay-Moore,

Date: November 23, 2020